she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
