Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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