did you get engaged???
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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