You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
