You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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