I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
