that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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