Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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