So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
