I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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