giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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