Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
