I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
