Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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