Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
