Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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