we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
