So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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