Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
