having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
