uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
