All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
