The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
