I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
