just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
