There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
