I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
