she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
