17 year olds will be the death of me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
