were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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