What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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