so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
