Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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