im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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