Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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