It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
