thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
