Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
