dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
