I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
