just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
