we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
