he was CRYING into my vagina
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
