Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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