So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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