I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I love having hate sex.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
