I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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