Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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