Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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