and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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